Trolls and the Women Who Love Them

There are many and varied theories about why we always see a ‘hot chick’ on the arm of an absolutely ugly bastard. Some see it as a dependency issue, father figure issues, or the all-too-real bad boy complex. Many of us dismiss such pairings as fleeting, usually based on money, power or sex.

But there are women in the world who will stoop even lower. Sometimes, it’s a matter of where they were born, and what their situation is. Desperation can lead to some very ugly choices. Some don’t even have a choice at all.

Taking the above examples, it’s easy to see why a ‘hot chick’ would go in for a ride with the power-broker living high up in a central business district; he’s oppressive and brutish, and people don’t mess with him much. He’s got power and money, which means sex doesn’t have to enter the equation.

The mid-west flannel wearing troll is a little harder to understand, on many levels. Still, if the troll-woman is born and bred of the same stock, the pairing is only natural. A ‘hot chick’ on the arm of this kind of troll has probably settled for a lesser kind of power – perhaps she’s dating the brother of the local sheriff. Perhaps she’s none too bright, or doesn’t mind being ‘passed around the family.’

An Internet Troll is probably the loneliest, most devoid of life creature in the realm. Even a hot chick dating a flannel troll wouldn’t stoop this low. Then again, the internet troll may be simply a cyber-side of a real troll; perhaps trolling online is a hobby for trolls.

No one truly understands why Katie Holmes decided to shack up with her troll; his films are like troll pranks, or empty bargains; his religion is oppressive, brutal, and may even kill; most people wish he was underground. Perhaps she entered into a bargain, and lost. Perhaps she was merely seduced into being his slave, and will be found decades from now, wandering the streets of LA, with no recollection of her time there. Perhaps some poor family will wake up and discover their baby has been replaced by a demanding monster that wears a Scientology hospital bracelet.

Whatever the case, for all their ideas about being the vessels of life, and their emphasis on being selective and choosy for a reason, women keep sleeping with trolls, and making more trolls. This is another way of saying that the Neanderthal gene is with us still, and only our nursery rhymes, myths and legends can give us hope toward identifying and eliminating the troll genome from the pool. Then again, with their renown for low brow intelligence, you may find a few trolls in the Darwin Awards, or wasting away on some anonymous cable network … long live natural selection.

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